It’s over…

Just like that, my 4 months of maternity leave is finally coming to an end. I head back to work next week with mixed feelings… A part of me wondering if I can cope with my work and another huge part of me feeling sad that I have to leave Bubba behind.

Motherhood did not come instantly for me. It was really tough in the beginning, I wondered hard whether I can be a good enough mother to S. Post pregnancy, my hormones went out of whack and I sunk into depression for a period of time. No one ever talked about those hormonal changes, so I learned the hard way and bawled my eyes out. The first month was tough, trying to adjust to a tiny human in our lives, taking on the challenge of breastfeeding and having to deal with the different dynamics at home. Not saying that it’s all peace and calm now, it still takes time for tiny human is growing every day and with it, new challenges to take upon at each growth stage that she is in.

Thankfully, I have my family to count on when I was feeling down plus a network of friends that I could go to when I needed advice, help or just to let off some steam when things get a little too challenging with Bubba. Most importantly, I also learn to let go a little and not be too hard on myself when things with Bubba get tough. If she doesn’t want to nap, then I will just play with her. When she is cranky and screams, I just hug her tight and try to put her to bed.

It’s not always a bed of roses with this little one but it’s been an amazing journey when I let things go a little from the second month on. Things also somewhat fell into place as well when I learned to read her cues and also establish a routine with her. Here’s a typical day in homeland with Bubba:

• 7ish in the morning : Nurse Bubba and then bid Daddy goodbye as he heads to work. If I’m lucky, she falls back to sleep. If she refuses to nap, I will put her in her cot, turn the hanging mobile on and buy 5- 10 minutes of time for a quick shower.
• 8ish – 9ish : The time she finally wakes up. We muck around in bed together with me singing songs to her and talking to her. Then I bring her down for my MIL to play a while with her while I grab a quick breakfast.
• 9.30 – 10am : Shower and then feeding time.
• 10/11is – 1pm : After nursing, she usually will take her long morning nap of about 1.5 – 2 hours. That’s the time I have lunch and relax or stand around her bassinet and stare at her while she sleeps. If I’m bringing her out, this is the best time I like to bring her out for she’s napping and I get to either chat with my friends or have a proper meal.
• 1ish – 3pm : Feeding time and then play-time before attempting to put her down for another short nap which usually lasts anywhere between 45mins to 1 hour.
• Fast forward to about 5.45pm – 6pm where we bring her out for a walk around our hood.
• 6.45pm – 7pm : Evening wipe-down and feeding time. Again, if we are lucky, she takes a short nap. If not, I will try to put her down to bed at about 8pm after letting her roll around in her cot. Sometimes it can take up to 2 hours to finally put her to sleep. Phew…
• 10ish / midnight : Feeding time
• 3am / 5ish – 6ish : Feeding time

That’s basically what we do everyday. Sounds boring when you glance at the above schedule, but somehow time just flies by pretty quickly when fussing around her. Of course, some days, the time just seems to be ticking by slowly. Usually those are the days that she drives me up the wall by refusing to nap. But arh well, I just try to deal with it.

I don’t know if I will be able to juggle motherhood and work when I go back to work next week. But I will try.. I think for the first month or so, it will be tough and caffeine will be my best friends since I can no longer nap when Bubba takes her afternoon naps.

I will definitely miss all the time that I have with you, my darlin’ Bubba. I only hope that when I go back to work, you won’t forget me… :X