Yup, life as we know for me has changed dramatically and drastically when Sophie arrived.
Before this entire mothering gig descended upon me, I didn’t expect it to overwhelm me and change my life like a whirlwind roller-coaster ride. As fellow first-time Mom blogger, Libby, shared that our lives shouldn’t revolve around a baby but we should find a way to fit baby into our lives. How strikingly true as I find myself asking this more and more each day when faced with certain situations. Is this concept even possible? How about meeting halfway?
I’d be honest here. I never thought I would have any maternal instinct despite us badly wanting a child. I like playing with children, but I don’t necessary enjoy looking after them. I’ve often been the fierce aunt instead of the nurturing one. Sometimes when our friends bring their kids out and they are screaming, the Man and I would throw each other a look in shudder. It was there that I thought, ‘No, I don’t think I’m up for this mothering gig!’ Even during the pregnancy, I kept telling myself that our lives wouldn’t be shaken terribly. It’s just a baby and we will manage. We will still have our date nights, travel and wine and dine at leisure.
Turned out I was wrong. The first couple of times when the Man and I headed out for dinners, he had to peel me away from Sophie. Our convos revolve largely around the bub and sometimes, I wonder if the Man is bored with me for he constantly checks his social media channels instead of chatting with me which then leads me to check my web-cam occasionally to see if she is okay. I was obviously paranoid but truth be told, I don’t really want to be away from her for long. It’s not like she knows that I’m gone or that it matters for she’s sleeping but to me, it mattered dearly, to be near here and just hover around her if she ever needs me or when she cries.
I didn’t think I had it in me to be that hands-on with Sophie. Even though it has been back-breaking, tiring and sometimes feeling like I’m on my own, it has been hugely rewarding. The Man once told me that she’s still small and she won’t have any memories of all this until she’s about 2. Well, it may be true but I don’t want to miss out any time making these memories with her. Even if she doesn’t remember all of this, but I will and that to me is important.
So yes, while we shouldn’t change our lives now that Sophie is in our lives, but we should find a way to fit her in our lives. Obviously, life before baby was a little wilder and carefree. While I would like for that to continue, that would also mean a different style of parenting that perhaps I am not ready to try out yet. So, for now, I will be happy to sacrifice a little, adjust my lifestyle a little and give some of these things up just to create memories with her and of her. Let’s meet halfway then for life as we know before might not be ideal with baby in it and I don’t want resentment on why baby has changed our lives. Perhaps all these emotions of being a new Mom are still very new to me and I’m still basking in all of its freshness. Check in with me a couple of months down the road and I may just change my tune. But for now, I will concentrate on caring for her and making some changes in my life to fit this tiny human who I love so very dearly.