Regaining sanity…

Remember confinement? That will end in approximately one week’s time. While I am happy that I no longer have to eat food that’s either pork, steamed fish doused with wine and loads of ginger to warm the body or drink up loads of longan/ red date tea, another wave of worries have enveloped me.

You see, we hired a confinement nanny to care for me after delivery. There are pros and cons in selecting a confinement nanny to care for the mom. Some of the reasons for doing so were so that my meals can be cooked and prepared by the confinement nanny, she will take care of Sophie while I rest and also do the graveyard feedings so that I can sleep through the night. The latter didn’t really happen for I’m up pumping through the night but I guess it beats having to physically nurse Sophie for now. The nanny also helps to prepare my daily baths with medicated packs of herbs specially boiled.

We contemplated on extending her for another month but the Man assured me that we will be able to handle Sophie when she’s gone. After all, sooner or later, we will have to cope with managing Sophie on our own. I guess that’s true, with so many people in the house, I’m sure we will get round to looking after her. But then with the recent turn of events, I wonder if it will be the case.

I wonder if I am able to cope with caring for her full-time despite having the help. I wonder if I can cope with the feeds throughout the night? Will Sophie and I be disturbing the Man while he needs his sleep to get through work? Will things at home come to a standstill? Will I be able to calm Sophie down when she goes into one of her wails leaving me all vulnerable. Will I even be able to go out and steal some time to be on my own? Maybe it’s just me wanting to do everything since everyone else at home have their duties to perform. Perhaps it’s also me being a first time mom, wanting not to impose on anyone since Sophie is my child and I want to be the primary care-giver for now before going back to work.

Yes, I know I worry too much. Sometime I wonder if I have bitten off more than I have chewed. Friends and dear ones tell me that it does get easier so I’m really crossing my fingers and saying my prayers hoping that it will be the case.

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